things have been busy; giving birth, figuring out this baby thing, keeping pace with all the changes as she learned to roll, crawl and move progressively towards adulthood. every week there’s something new to adjust to: creating barricades to the stairs, putting things out of reach, making baby food, covering outlets. it’s amazing how quickly she goes from struggling to flip over to taking first steps.
on rough days, i feel exhausted, stifled, overwhelmed, weighed down by the immense sense of responsibility and think longingly about sleeping in on saturday mornings. on most days, i feel exhausted but thrilled at how beautiful she is and what a gift God has given us. she has brought me so much joy, but has also challenged me in how selfish, controlling and impatient i am. my patience and tolerance has been tested to the limits, and i find myself in very ugly moments punching walls and crying into my pillow.
our jobs have taken up another significant portion of our time. we no longer have stress-free easy schedules, and as much as i hate being busy, there is no other way to describe the past year. in order to stay on top of everything i feel guilty for sitting down and doing nothing as there’s always laundry or dishes or a floor that hasn’t been vacuumed in months. it has been a surprise though that she has united us more than divided us. several people have offered to babysit so we can go out…but everything just seems more fun with her along.
some of her personality traits are starting to emerge. emi seems to be curious, and loves taking walks in our neighborhood. she’s terrified of animals and makes a low, gutteral sound when she sees them. she finds jumping, peek-a-boo and bath time hilarious. sometimes she gets the giggles and anything sets her off. she’s unusually strong so we’ve progressively had to barricade the stairs with boxes then an entire couch. she is stubborn and strong-willed. eating breakfast has become a long process, trying to cajole her into finishing her food while she puts her head down on the table and sucks her thumb. aside from the sleepless nights and lack of free time, she is a delightful addition!